Friday, October 26, 2012

Just some grumbling.

Is just try to have some grumbling.I think sometimes I really have to speak it out.
This feeling is so upset.
When things happened,I was like who am I suppose to speak with?
I don't wanna be coward.Sometimes I did tried to keep it inside.
But if I do this,I'll be more upset.
So blogging is the best way sometimes,
Why am I so useless?
I shouldn't act like this anymore.
I shouldn't care again.This is not right.
But when I saw it,I still can't accept.
There are still disappointment in there.
I should be give up hope.But why am I can't doing this?
And how could YOU?You are really such a DICK.I  mean how can you do this?I'm really speechless of you!
So are you going to dumb her after your birthday?
I don't really mean to hurt you or anything.
But hey there I KNOWN YOU WELL!.

Just  like what I told you"YOU not don't need another,You just don't need me"YOU desire being in a relationship so MUCH!
I'm trying to don't give a shit on you so hard.
But I just CAN'T.What am I suppose to do?
I make a promise to myself that I won't be in a relationship in two years time.
I hope I can do that.Cause I don't really think I'm ready to put myself in another relationship again.
It really takes time.
And I'm really sorry for those that I care.
I think it maybe hurts.
But if I don't do this,it's worse.
I don't want to lose you all.
I appreciate what did you did.But I don't deserve this.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
I don't mean to hurt you.

I don't think I gonna wish you a Happy Birthday in that way.
Is your 19th birthday,so please be careful.
You won't mind neither care if I dint wish you.
Nor remember that's a ME right here.
So no worries.
I hate you but I hate myself more that I love you.
Someday it will be LOVED.
It just take times.

I don't want to cried like hell for you again.
I don't want to missed you again.
I don't want to love you again.

I don't want to care for you again.
I don't want to thinking how to help on your feelings again.
I don't want to get hurts just because you were flirting with others girls again.
I don't want to know you again.
I JUST WANT TO GET THIS END!BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT ON IT!

I wanna BE CALM AND DONT GIVE A SHIT!
just like this.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The day before yesterday,Yesterday,Today.

The day before yesterday.
Went to a buffet at Traders Hotel.
A school's Christian Fellowship committee farewell for thanks Yi Ting been helping us out the whole year activities. Really appreciate what she've done for us.
I have learn a lot of things from her too.
She solve many mystery that was in my heart.
Her thought teach to look on things.
Just thanks anyway to you,Yi Ting.
The food in the buffet was that really bad like I thought. It's was normal.
We talked so much during that.
About AMBITION,FURTHER STUDIES and all that kind of things.
We also gossip a little about the school's Teacher&Friends.
I don't actually talked so much about cause I always had my own sweet moment while in school.
I tried to talked to Miss.Wong that whether she can left some jobs to our committee.
If not I'll fell a little useless being a committee and I want her to trust her committee.
After tha lunch,some of us hang out with Yi Ting.
I hate the feeling when we were in 1st avenue is something like I cant loose myself down.
I cant take it easier,it had became a kind of stress after the days whenever I was there.
Yi Ting told three of us ME,SHU YING,SHU YI.
More about being a Christian and what is it about.
But I dont really put all of my effort on what was she talked about cause I cant really relax in that kind of place.
I'm afraid to face it.
When time goes to around 4:30 we left and go to the Church for our Movie-SAVE A LIFE. &BBQ night.
I was still a little nervous when I reached the Church,maybe is because I dont know them and I'm still put of myself down after that.
The movie and BBQ was okay but not like what i expect.


Yesterday
Yesterday was Ginie birthday and it was Sunday so I goes to tuition like every Sunday I did.
After that I go home and prepare myself and rush like hell.
And I finally decided to wore after my mom give me some suggest.
While in mom's way car we talked about the holiday job that I wanted to do.
She was like finally agreed me after those days back fight and after she knows my propose was grab the money and pay for my own cost I wanted to go.
When I reached Gurney Plaza,I first meet up with Ginie.
Actually we was wasting our time before 4o clock cause everyone is not reach yet.
So we spent it by eating and shopping.
After that we really have fun at Angeline's work restaurant.PHOTO's SPEAK! So this is our Birthday girl.GINIE!


Today.
Having assemblage today.
English Garden was wet so we have to stand the whole morning during that things was going on.
Today nothing really special except this cause lesson was not really going on today since there's 15 absent fellow. I tell SHU YI The story about US.
The felling of it.
I can fell my tears in my eyes
But now I'm strong enough to handle all this.The pain.
I dont really tell others how's fell like and no one will understand and have the same felling as me.
It have everything inside there.
Happiness,
Crazy,
Anger,
Jealously,
Sad,
Disappointment,
I love with it and I had died for it.
And now I was a person re-alive.
I cant erase it the past but I'm hoping I'll be better than I thought in the future and this is the only way if I wanted to see him with the real me again.

Gonna speech tomorrow,hope everything's fine.
God bless me.(:

Thursday, October 18, 2012

New Life Style.

Today is my first day for my blogging life.
New life style.
Is a Brand New me i guess.
I have been always thinking what did God say about the word LIFE.
There're so much more i still have to learn.
Learn to not-to-be hurt.not-to-be care.
The new life I'm having now.Is better than i thought.
All i want is a Better Life and a Better Me.
Actually is so hard to spoke out all the feeling with words.
But it might be better if i write it down.
Is just LIFE.
I used to told myself every moment when I'm going down.
Is just a part of it.
I'll and I can walk through this hard time.
Everyday of my life start like this.
Wake up on the morning, Bath and go to school.
Go school with all the best that I'm so fine.
Stuck myself in front of the Laptop.
You Tube.Watch Movie.Listen to a music.Reading Fiction's.
Then the time just pass away like this.
Maybe i just keep myself behind but is the best that it don't go worst.
Sometimes i thanks my buddies so much.
I feel better with them.
I have to fight for the things i wanted in my life.
I have to make it came true.MY DREAM.
And i have to learn what is the things i need and the things i don't.
All i have to do is been through this TWO years then I'll be very best.
After two year,I'll stand in front of you and say
Hey. I'm so fine without you and thanks for letting me go. So how's you?
And I'll tell you.I've make it.
My dream's came true.
I've promise you that I'll give up on you.
Don't worry.I wont fail you.
It just take time.
And is just a little difficult to do that cause you have become my habit.
When i think of you, I always tell myself.
I'll get a better future if i let you go.
The future is important than you.
I have to leave you so that my dream's will came true.
But how?You're one part of them.
You was in there.
I wanted you to be in my future.
And i have shut all these down now.
So you becoming a strenght of make me fight to get what I want.
So that i can just tell you that I'm so fine and I have giving you up already.
I'm still fighting it.
Everything i want.
Everything will be fine.